DUH! Neyce.

It’s been 7 months since we’ve hung out. Just me and you. Normally, doing stupid shit. I can’t remember the last time we had a conversation longer than 5 minutes. I don’t remember the last time you even responded when I attempt to contact you.

I don’t want to hate you. I miss you terribly.

It’s been soo long I start to think, ” Did I do something wrong?” do I wait? Or is that foolish? I don’t want to give up

My expectations have gone lower and lower. A simple hello would be fine.

Just tell me straight up. I’ll deal with it.

I miss my friend

I maintain these empty relationships because I’m scared of being alone. I’m hung up on having a companion because I’m scared that no one else will find me worthy. I think im just as awesome and have as much to offer as the next person but I feel like maybe they won’t notice it the way I want them to

It’s a little saddening that I struggled writing that. In the sense that it took me effort not to down play how I felt. Which I find myself doing often.

I need to be more honest with myself and how I feel. Acknowledging I have a problem is the first step right?

/rant

for lent i’ve always had trouble in giving up things. cause i’d realize how easily i could live without these things about a week in. i would even forget that i gave these things up. or i’d pick something ridiculously difficult to give up where as much as i’d try i’d end up failing. where rather then feeling closer i feel like i’ve let him down.

so for lent i think i’m going to write a letter and maybe draw a little something to 40 different people. one person for each day. Not typed. i’m going to hand write all my letters and seal them in a envelope and everything. I’m still trying to figure out whether or not i should give the letters at the end of each day or at the end of the 40 days.

this year rather then giving up something i want to give something. rather than taking something out of my life i want to add something else into the equation. i think that in writing these letters i can find out more about myself, be closer to people and him.

i’m going to admit that i’m not particularly an incredibly religious person. im not particularily fond of talking about religion. but this time i just wanted to put it on the table.

so i’ll be writing a letter a day. be on the look out. for folks who i don’t see often i’ll probably find a way to mail it to you or if all else fails give it to you at the end of the 40 days.